The Whole Me

Monday

2008-01-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

I had a nice productive and relaxing weekend. Need to find the "me priority" though. The one where I motivate myself to exercise and eat properly.

I realize that money does play an issue into the eat properly and won't be able to prepare a good menu until I can do a proper grocery shopping mid-next week.

State of mind is ok. I have some stresses to deal with at work, but I'll write those out and go over them with my co-workers tomorrow.

Positives today:
1. Dressing warming
2. Smell of coffee made by my hubby
3. Cleared off cutting table - I've done real well keeping on top of this.

Goals for the day:
1. Newsletter done at work.
2. Quilt friend's table runner.
3. Laundry.

Daily Post

2008-01-17T07:29:00.000-05:00

Positives for today:
1. Possible snow
2. Completed top to baby quilt (which was a goal)
3. Going to a job I love

List for today:
1. Start cutting out sunflower quilt
2. Create and post new blog for shop
3. Menu list

I'm still in a rut, but I feel if I can accomplish one new routine every 7 days, that's doing good. I'm on a roll with the daily posts and list, which I've been able to actually finish - for the most part.

Daily Post

2008-01-16T07:16:00.000-05:00

Positives for today:
1. Day off from work
2. Sewing planned
3. Seeing friends today
4. Spending morning time with youngest daughter

Goals:
1. Make menu plan/shopping list
2. Finish baby quilt
3. Clean out cupboards

Keep trying...

2008-01-15T07:10:00.000-05:00

need to post here first. I want to. I need to document my moods and activities better to improve myself.

Today's positives:
1. Class today - teaching Civil War Love Letters
2. Will be making coffee
3. Enjoying quietness
4. Love my job
5. De-cluttering my sewing area

List of 3 to do today:
1. Prepare for class
2. Spend quality time with hubby
3. Sew one more row on baby quilt

I got mail

2008-01-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

yesterday, 2 new cd's I'm going to try to change my mind set about loosing weight. I started one, but was interrupted, so I'll try again when I can be left alone. It's an interesting concept that works with the subconscious mind and figured why not try it. They are very relaxing, at first though it was challenging to mediate through some of the exercises. It might have been a good thing to stop when I did.

My mental block with loosing weight is the fact I have lost 30lbs and feel fine. It's not a self image issue at all. I don't over eat. I just don't eat healthy or exercise. I think if I could get my mind set and eating healthy with a workout, I would find myself losing weight and doing it effortlessly.

Again, I see myself pulling into my seasonal depression a wee bit faster/earlier than normal - which most likely was triggered by the stress of the holidays. I see it and recognize it, but unsure how to resolve it.

I need to create some small lists for me to work with as visual tools to see if that helps turn my focus into more positive solutions. While I can easily bury myself into my quilting, I will become reclusive for 2 months and loose touch with friends and family and don't want to go down that road.

I need to do 3 lists: diet, exercise, mediation

Need to hold myself accountable to myself.

Nothing like an emotional

2008-01-03T06:53:00.000-05:00

break down on January 3rd.....mental note, never travel with Delta - ever, period.

It doesn't help, that I've been up since 4:00 am and it's 17 degrees outside. Driving over an hour (round trip) to the airport and home just to find out my sister missed her flight and calls me during one of her break downs and two kids crying in the background.

There's is light at the end of the tunnel though, after paying an additional $110 in change charges, she's in line with her kids waiting to get her tickets - again.

It's been a long 2 weeks with having extra people in the house and I know it's been just as stressful for my sister, but the need for the family connection during the holidays always seems more important.

Need to take a breather and a nap. Unfortunately, I am scheduled to work at 10 this morning - until 7 tonite. Trying to decide what would be best for me. I only work 2 days this week and I do have a lot to do at work - I could do it at home, if I had the documents to work with. Also, have a class to teach this morning. I'm just not in the mental frame of mind to do that.

So, now I need to find a way to deal with stress, go to work, put on a happy face and control my emotions to not break down. It would honestly be best to stay home, curl up in my bed - with no noise.

Too many choices and obligations on my mind, which creates more stress and unwanted emotions.

I'm going to call in sick. I just know I will not benefit my customers or my coworkers if I came into work this distraught and mentally challenged.

With a New Year....

2008-01-02T08:02:00.001-05:00

you always ponder the past year and what you wish to do differently in the new year. I don't believe in resolutions, but I do believe in setting goals and working towards them.

So, as I ponder here are some goals I wish to accomplish this year.

1. Work-out 4-5 times a week.
2. Eat healthier.
3. Lose 30 lbs.
4. Floss daily.
5. Mediate daily.
6. Read 2 books a month.
7. Keep to my quilting goals (which are separate from this list).
8. Create weekly goals, monthly goals and reevaluate often.
9. Visit Europe.
10. Document more emotions and actions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister and her family leave tomorrow and I plan to take the rest of this week to organize my thoughts and plans to start on Monday, including menus, food shopping and workout plans.

le sigh....

2007-08-21T09:07:00.000-04:00

ya know it's bad when two people ask you what's wrong and you look at them like "wtf"? It's those darn ghosts, I tell you.

Alarm has been going off at 6, the past 2 days. I get up around 7:30. I haven't been sleeping very well at night. Today I'm moody. Shakes head. I just feel numb...there is no logic reason, everything is going fine - just can't shake this feeling.

I'm very grateful for the cooler and rainy weather though, it does sooth me.

Sunday evening...

2007-08-19T20:05:00.000-04:00

starting tonight, preparing for tomorrow's plan of attack.

It's 8, so I've turned off the tv, sewing machine and about to turn off the computer. I think I'll make the time actually 8:30 nightly.

Next, I'll prepare for bed and read until 9:30ish - I do enjoy reading, when I make the time for it.

Then set the alarm for 5:00am (yikes). Mediate for 30 minutes, then go to the gym. Be home by 7. Shower, prepare for a work day - get kids up as they are in practice for back to school next week.

I think I'm ready for summer to officially be over now.

I've been doing it...

2007-08-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

sorta.

My alarm has been set and been going off at 6. Unfortunately, my body has woken up at 3ish the past 2 nights and I can't fall back asleep until 5ish. So, I've been hitting the snooze button and not getting up.

I obviously have a lot on my mind, but as the week comes to an end, I do feel many of those earlier burdens lifting off.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Mental Barriers. . .

2007-08-15T08:32:00.000-04:00

I have soo many right now.

Dealing with death
Dealing with a old friendship that just kinda stopped
Dealing with lots of "to dos" at work
Dealing with overwhelming projects
Dealing with back to school finances

I have always been aware of my seasonal depression during February and have made efforts over the past 4 years to aid that in by immersing myself into my hobbies and taking a vacation in Florida. But it truly dawned on me this summer, how depress I actually become at the end of August...probably another reason why I truly love Autumn so much and really don't enjoy summer.

So, I have created mental barriers and blocks and try to ignore my emotional displacement...only to finally realize I can't ignore it and must face it.

That being said,
What do I NEED to do?
What do I KNOW works to bring me up?
What can I do to keep consistent and maybe prevent heavy depression around my seasonal times of the year?

These questions I have to answer myself. I have to hold myself accountable. I have to ACT on this. I've come so far over the past 18 months, I don't want to fall back into old routines and habits.

I have many fears, none I can physically type or write out - they are like ghosts floating in my head and I can't see their faces, but are very aware they are there.

I must create a strong daily routine. That is such a challenge. Need to start setting the alarm again. Start getting out of bed and mediate.

Two focus steps to start tomorrow. Alarm and mediate.

2007-08-03T07:57:00.000-04:00

Positive Thoughts for today:
1. Feeling mentally organized.
2. All ready for work!
3. Watching the Today show.
4. Finding my glasses this morning.
5. Feeling calm.

Food thoughts for today:
1. Breakfast: peanut/honey toast with coffee
2. Lunch: Lean Cuisine
3. Dinner: unsure yet
Snacks: fruit and nuts
Est. points 20, need to get in 24

Exercise thoughts for today:
1. Working today - lots of movement
2. Continue using the pedometer

8/2/07

2007-08-02T09:05:00.001-04:00

Positive thoughts for today:
1. I have more quilt tops done than I realized.
2. A day off from work.
3. Air conditioning works well.
4. Mouth feels good from root canal yesterday.
5. Remembering to post in this blog.

Food thoughts for today:
1. Need to make a menu and go shopping.
2. Going to jump back on to Weight Watchers program.
3. Need to drink more water.

Exercise thoughts for today:
1. Found pedometer and going to use it.
2. Using my stairs for 10 minutes sometime today.

more wondering. . .

2007-07-31T09:11:00.000-04:00

over the past few days I have just pondered and thought about how to move this direction I really want. It's the beginning of August and so preparing for back to school and fall is starting to hit my senses. I LOVE FALL. It's colors, smells, expectations, and the spirituality I get from the sunrises.

I crave and look forward to this every year and this year is no different. I seem to be able to find some more normal routine in the fall - lazy days of summer my butt LOL I feel out of control during the summer with no set schedule and no way to focus. Again, I crave fall.

I found my postcard with the Pagan Pride Week for 2007. I plan to go and it made me wonder how far off of my spiritual path I have fallen. All comes back to finding the balance, the motivation, the focus and the purpose to get where I want to be.

This is all encompassing as well. I need to get my exercise program and diet program along the same lines as my spiritual.

I need to take action. Need to ponder more this week and start with making some lists to follow through on.

Somewhere....

2007-07-13T19:52:00.001-04:00

after Wednesday, I stopped? le sigh.

I'll get there, just need to prove to myself, that I'm important enough to just take care of myself first.

2007-07-10T07:29:00.000-04:00

Another day without a title....

Self motivation is hard! Trying not to beat myself up, but I can't find that one step I need to do everyday, so the rest of what I want to do follows suit.

Yesterday, was a positive day. I did end up 2.4 lbs lighter than last weeks weigh in and I did finish off the day sticking mainly to the Core plan.

I got up out of bed by 6:30, but I am truly not a morning person. I didn't meditate, but I'm dressed and ready for work and pondering on my breakfast now.

I'm also thinking that with my sewing area in disorder that it has also effected my motivation on my personal front as well. So, this week is definitely clean up week. I don't have time to start today, with working a long day, but I do plan on doing it during my 2 days off.

Still pondering on what I need to use to hold me accountable for my actions for me. That's the biggest challenge right now.

2007-07-09T07:29:00.000-04:00

Another New Day - - - title, being Blogger won't let me have one.

I started up at 6:00 am. . . hit the snooze 3 times (need to work on that), so out of bed by 6:30. Meditated for 30 minutes. While my altar is still not in the best order it should be in my opinion, I still meditated.

Not going to work out today, I'm going to be honest with that at this moment, but I'm going to start doing some cleaning in my room that will add some activity to my routine.

I'm starting fresh! Today I have a WW meeting and I doubt I'm down at all, but I'm doing the Core program this week. I have lots of natural foods and feel pretty prepared in following it through.

As the day progresses, I'll update.

Ok...

2007-07-05T10:42:00.000-04:00

back on track. Yes, I kinda went down hill after lunch time on Tuesday. I did enroll and start my WW online part - which is cool.

Yesterday, total bust with alcohol and food - - - but I was expecting that and not going to beat myself up. But basically I figured I have shoot my entire week of points.

What's my plan now? Sticking to 24 points a day - no extra ones - for the remainder of the week and switch to the Core plan next week.

I do plan to work out 2 more times this week and plan to go M-F starting next week. I really do feel better when I'm working out daily.

I plan to at least be down below 160 by end of July, that's 10 lbs. Doable, I think, just need to remember to drink my water and eat often.

Finally a start. . .

2007-07-03T09:00:00.001-04:00

Workout: 15 on elipical
Breakfast: 1 fried egg, 1 piece of toast, 1 c. cantenlope, coffee w/fat free creamer= 6 pts

I can have 28 points a day on the flex plan, which due to the fact I'm going to a 4th of July BBQ tomorrow, I felt was the smart way to go for my first week. I most likely will switch back and forth between the Core and Flex plans. Flex during weeks I know I'll be socially active, Core for "normal" weeks.

I was up at 6:30. . .it's a start.

Day 1 - Official Weight Loss

2007-07-02T20:20:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's official. I signed up for Weight Watchers tonight. I am still reading through all the info they gave me, but I'm excited.

I didn't start work out this morning, due to the lack of sleep over the weekend and my period started a week early than expected....which means I also missed out on my monthly massage.

Did have a wonderful weekend spent with good couple friends. Missed the ocean, but I'm ok with it.

So, need to read my WW stuff, create a menu for the next few days and planning on going to the gym tomorrow at 7 am.

I'll get into the swing of things soon. Just always a slow start.

As I was gently reminded. . .

2007-06-28T10:02:00.000-04:00

I need to be more dedicated to this blog.

lol....I was driving this morning thinking - - - ya know I haven't done anything in my new blog. I need to be more committed.

I am thinking of steps I want to take, but it's the action part that gets me. I have decided to try out Weight Watchers for a month. I fully plan to attend the meeting on Monday evening after work at 5:30.

Also, Monday I plan to start my morning off with my old work out routine, this time taking my 13 year old daughter with me. I don't think she quite understands my hiden message of getting fit and looking/feeling better for herself as well, so she is very excited to go "to the gym" with mom. I think we will end up being each other's motivation.

On the spiritual front, a key balance for me especially during the summer is being one with the ocean. I'm not a beach bunny, but I love just sitting and mediating with the beach and I'll get to do that this weekend.

I need to be more mentally aware of my thoughts and put them down daily so I can see the growth.

Following the lead of. . .

2007-06-21T09:50:00.000-04:00

The Hopefully Skinny Me and creating a blog for weight loss.

As I pondered on creating this, it dawn on me there is much more than just losing a few pounds I want to do to make myself healthier. I want to be healthier in body, spirit and mind - so hence the name of my blog.

Right now I'm investigating Weight Watchers right now to see if I can work with their program and have the flexibility I need with my life schedule. Currently I do belong to LA Weight Loss, but it's challenging to keep to it's strict routine while I'm working. Also, the fact I have to drive 50 minutes to see my weekly appointment has really hinder my motivation - and I need that weekly support.

So, that is where I'm at right at this moment.

On the fit side of things, need to get back to the gym. The morning works the best for me.

Regarding the spirituality side, I need to clean and bless my altar and start my mediations again in the morning.